you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize