How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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