Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies

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  (508): I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies http://tfl.nu/858n
  Replies (1) Good night (972) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:

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  (305): Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D: http://tfl.nu/t26u
  Replies (12) Good night (2329) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

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  (518): after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date. http://tfl.nu/xryi
  Replies (43) Good night (8100) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life

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  (502): just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life http://tfl.nu/8goj
  Replies (18) Good night (4551) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.

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  (850): Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing. http://tfl.nu/n4ke
  Replies (18) Good night (3997) Bad night (1595) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots

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  (905): Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots http://tfl.nu/aobh
  Replies (14) Good night (2753) Bad night (1668) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade

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  (802): Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade http://tfl.nu/ve1a
  Replies (22) Good night (1832) Bad night (3186) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.

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  (732): This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms. http://tfl.nu/i073
  Replies (3) Good night (1473) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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  (250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4
  Replies (13) Good night (3276) Bad night (602)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace

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  (780): No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace http://tfl.nu/va4a
  Replies (8) Good night (1701) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.

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  (303): I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls. http://tfl.nu/h774
  Replies (2) Good night (1212) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.

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  (601): The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know. (615): My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens. http://tfl.nu/91vw
  Replies (10) Good night (1680) Bad night (319)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration

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  (610): You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration http://tfl.nu/k4dg
  Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.

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  (910): 6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class. http://tfl.nu/7ju6
  Replies (2) Good night (709) Bad night (271)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care

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  (918): I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care http://tfl.nu/shwc
  Replies (1) Good night (1201) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt

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