I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize