so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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