I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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