i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
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She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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