just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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