I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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