I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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