if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
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what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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