I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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