my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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