Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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