$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize