Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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