I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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