I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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