So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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