yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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