So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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