I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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