I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize