I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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