Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize