We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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