Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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