it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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