i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize