there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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