The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
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We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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