Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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