One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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