My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize