i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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