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I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
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