I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
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Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize