dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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