Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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