hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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