So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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