Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize