Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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