I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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