Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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