I cockslap morals
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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