I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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