so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
are you so shy because you have an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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