Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.

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(619): 3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact. http://tfl.nu/7spk

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(214): View more from Texas

A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all

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(214): A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all http://tfl.nu/e59p

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.

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(401): the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH. http://tfl.nu/dbk1

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(704): View more from North Carolina

so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...

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(704): so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie... http://tfl.nu/pw66

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.

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(732): I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them. http://tfl.nu/v4vg

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(563): View more from Iowa

oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents

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(563): oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents http://tfl.nu/iqnb

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(937): View more from Ohio

talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.

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(937): talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive. http://tfl.nu/ejtq

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV

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(908): Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV http://tfl.nu/9om8

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.

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(508): he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table. http://tfl.nu/n2tk

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.

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(484): i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen. http://tfl.nu/hdza

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(631): View more from New York

She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.

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(631): She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink. http://tfl.nu/f50x

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(314): View more from Missouri

I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.

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(314): I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise. http://tfl.nu/47tp

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(435): View more from Utah

Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids

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(435): Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids http://tfl.nu/id5c

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(519): View more from Ontario

I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.

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(519): I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person. http://tfl.nu/mw9z

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.

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(405): Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man. http://tfl.nu/rjwi

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