You smell like a Billy Joel song
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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